Ginita Wall and Candace Bahr, two local Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, wrote a good article that they said could be shared with clients. I hope you find it helpful.
Robin Seigle, Director of NCRC's Divorce Mediation Services
Handling the Holidays...
When Your Marriage
No Longer
Feels Like a "Gift"
by Ginita Wall, CPA, CFP®, CDFA™
and Candace Bahr, CDFA™
Holidays are usually a time for reconnecting, but if you are
married -- and not so happily -- seasonal preparations and celebrations can put
a major strain on relationships that are already teetering on the brink. So how
do you celebrate the holidays when you don't think your marriage will make
it? Here are some tips for getting through it all.
1. Ask for help from friends and
family.
If it looks like getting divorced will be one of your New Year's
resolutions, but you and your spouse are still together, you may want to
confide your situation to a friend or family member. But limit what you share
to just one or two people. If you blab to everyone, your spouse could hear of
it, your marriage will suffer even more, and your holiday will explode into
ruin for everyone - especially if you have children.
2. Curb holiday spending.
Heading into divorce deeply in debt complicates everything, so
don't drown your guilt or sorrow in shopping. This may not be the most
picture-perfect memorable holiday season, and that's okay - right now, you are
just trying to get through.
3. Lighten up your expectations.
Holidays are about getting together, but divorce is about breaking
up. Get through this pressure-packed time of year by focusing on others.
Maintain a gracious spirit and be grateful for every good thing you have.
Consider what's most important to yourself and your family, and pare
celebrations down to just those things.
4. Don't let marital storms destroy your joy.
Think of your marital problems the same way you would a big
snowstorm during the holidays. You might have to change your plans a bit,
re-arrange schedules and deal with some unpleasantness. But you can still
figure out ways to celebrate without the storms derailing your holiday. Find
and share every little joy you can this holiday season.
5. Don't squabble with your spouse.
Keeping your emotions in check is key, so resentment doesn't
overcome you during the holidays. If you act in anger now, you may ruin
your chances to get to a peaceful divorce settlement with your spouse in the
New Year. And, fighting in front of the kids is never a good idea.
Children learn what they see at home, and they will take to heart things you
say in anger.
6. Take your time.
When the holidays draw to a close, don't rush headlong into
divorce. Take as much time to plan your divorce strategy as you devoted to
shopping and decorating for the holidays - this preparation will pay off for an
entire lifetime, instead of just one season.
3 comments:
This is what my parents went through. It was so hard. I am glad that we have great family law in Edmonton. They helped them out a lot.
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I think that these are some great tips. I think that before making the decision to go through with a divorce you should really try and work things out. Talking to friends and family about it can be really beneficial. I also think that if it is possible, couples should try some counseling as well.
Gary Puntman | http://www.talianalawfirm.com
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