REFLECTIONS ON FINAL SIGNATURES

Reflections on Final Signatures

Since Divorce Mediation Group is a divorce mediation firm, we are in the unique position of working with both Petitioner and Respondent throughout their divorce, from the first filing to wrapping up the final details of their Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA). Unlike litigation, we don't only get to know "our client"; we come to know both parties. We get the after-hours emails and urgent phone calls from both; we coach them both through the mediation process, suggesting constructive and neutral ways for them to communicate their grievances to each other and the mediator.

The vast majority of Divorce Mediation Group clients make it successfully through the entire process: preparing their first filing, the maddening chore known as disclosure, and finally, crafting an MSA that is uniquely theirs.

Unlike litigation, mediation clients physically meet together to work as a team. They sit across from each other during mediation sessions, frequently work together to prepare their Declarations of Disclosure, and -- at times smoothly, at times not so smoothly -- negotiate the terms of their MSA.  In litigation, the parties may not see each other except for court appearances and the exchange of their children at visitation time.  For those readers who have gone through a divorce, you can imagine how difficult it must sometimes be for mediation clients to sit at a table together and discuss support and custody and who gets the house, let alone be in the same room together. This is why I admire and respect our clients so much.  What they're doing is not always easy.  Let's face it, nothing about divorce is easy.

After weeks or months of working through the trauma of separation, financial woes and kids who need them more than ever, the parties reach agreement on all matters and arrange for the signing of their judgment documents.  Divorce Mediation Group clients may choose to sign by mail or come to our office, separately or together, to sign.  When the parties elect to sign in person, I sit with them as they go through the divorce forms and explain the forms to them or answer any of their questions.  I have been present for dozens of joint signings,and some of the most poignant moments of the entire divorce process take place at that time.   Some of the more memorable moments include:

• Husband and Wife arrived together to sign.  Husband was tearful throughout the process; Wife was silent but kind.  When they got up to leave, Husband walked out of the room toward the elevator. Wife squeezed my hand and I wished her well.  She glanced toward Husband and whispered, "I hope he'll be okay.  I worry about him."

• Husband and Wife were sitting in the lobby side-by-side on the sofa holding hands and chatting and laughing.  They were gregarious and affectionate throughout the signing.  I commented about how cheerful they seemed to be in light of the fact that they were there to sign divorce papers. They shrugged it off and said they were still good friends and admitted that they were thinking about moving in together again!

• Husband and Wife arrived separately and discussed that day's after-school schedule in between signatures.  They were cordial and respectful, obviously past any animosity or ill-will they had ever felt for each other.  They said good-bye to each other and went their separate ways. There was no small talk; it was all business.  

• Husband called to schedule a time to come in to sign his documents.  He could only come in on Tuesday at 2:00 p.m.  Wife (let's call her "Janet") had contacted me separately and had arranged to come in at exactly the same time.  I wasn't sure if it would be a problem for the parties to be at our office together (I never assume anything).  I tactfully mentioned to Husband that Wife was coming in at the same time, would he prefer to come in the following week?  He said to me, "Hey, that's okay if we're there together.  Janet's still one of my favorite people!"

When I say good-bye to our mediation clients after they sign their papers, I congratulate them on the hard work and good job they've done, because it sometimes requires monumental effort to cooperate with the person you are breaking apart from to reduce the most personal and intimate details of your life together to a dry legal document.  I point to the MSA and other documents on the table before them and remind them that they, not a judge in a black robe, created this order, this collection of rules and regulations by which they will conduct themselves, and that they should be proud that they were able to see it through to the end. I hope that in the end our clients understand that they have taken part in a truly remarkable process through mediation.  

by Kim Werner