Be a Superhero!
We all want what is best for our children during and after divorce. Swept up into circumstances beyond their control, they deserve the best from both parents during a divorce and its aftermath. Here is an excellent article in the Huffington Post by Michael Aurit, JD, MDR, about ways to manage the fallout of divorce and lessen the impact on your kids. Entitled "4 Ways You Can Be Super Heroes to Your Children," Mr. Aurit's article focuses on what your children need in order to foster healthy relationships with both parents: "They need your permission and encouragement, demonstrated by all of your words and actions, to enjoy their relationship with your ex-spouse and feel supported for doing so." Remember, you may be ex-spouses, but you are still, and will always be, co-parents; it is extremely important to make healthy choices, for your children's sake, in your relationship with your ex.
Here, briefly, are the 4 ways to hero status:
1. Choose a healthier divorce. "The best decision divorcing spouses can make is choosing divorce mediation, instead of an ugly street fight in court." Mediation is a cooperative process, not adversarial. By its very nature, mediation promotes mutual respect between the parties, thus eliminating the need for nasty courtroom battles.
2. Tell the truth, but only tell them what they need to know. "Donald Saposnek, Ph.D., urges parents to agree upon a truthful, carefully framed 'mutual story of the divorce.'" And tell your kids together. They need to see that you are united in your commitment to them even if your commitment to each other has changed.
3. Never argue with or criticize your co-parent in the presence of your children. "The true hero is a parent who prevents an argument from occurring in front of their children, not the parent who wins an argument." Never fight or argue in front of the kids. Remember, regardless of your circumstances and the reasons for the end of your relationship with your spouse, that person is still your children's parent. It hurts them when you criticize their other parent. Express your negative feelings with a friend or therapist, well out of earshot of your kids.
4. Proactively support your children's relationship with your co-parent. "Building this foundation of mutual understanding may allow positive communications about your co-parent come more naturally." This may be easier said than done, and for a while, you may just be going through the motions, but your children will reap the beneficiaries of your efforts.
Please read the entire article here for a complete list of tips and strategies for supporting your children's love and affection for both of their parents. 4 Ways You Can Be Super Heroes to Your Children
Kim Werner
Program Manager
Divorce Mediation Group
kwerner@ncrconline.com
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